The minute I took my mask off, I became free. I'm not sure about you, but my mask keeps me safe. It keeps me protected. It keeps people from seeing who I am, who I aspire to be. I had no choice because I was suffering in silence. And believe it or not, I was still holding on to that mask for dear life.
I shake my head now, but it felt normal then. “Normal”—that word sounds ridiculous now. Understanding there is no “normal” is one of the best aha moments of my life. It only took me 40-some years to figure that out. I can smile now while saying that.
Life surely has a way of breaking you down to get you to the real you—forcing you to rip off that mask so you can know true freedom. And that's exactly what happened to me.
Back in 2019, my world began to crumble, but I was living in a delusion. I didn't really see the crumble. Well, I guess I didn't want to see it. Who really wants to see or acknowledge that your life is falling apart?
Then, in 2020, I found out my husband was struggling with addictions, and the life I was living and once knew would never be the same. I was in such a dark and lonely place, and at that point, I felt like I had nothing to lose. I had nothing to hide. I was broken down, lost, and alone.
The turning point for me was when I acknowledged to my family and friends that I was not okay. That's when I took my mask off. I didn't throw it far away. I kindly placed it on the nightstand for easy access.
It's funny how when you get to that point, there's a natural sense of freedom that takes over you. This is the type of freedom I had never experienced before. Freedom that I admired other women for having. I would see the woman who would put herself out there, just naked among the world, and I had a bit of embarrassment and admiration all lumped up in one. If only I could be that brave. If only I could step outside of my comfort zone. If only I could be free.
The funny thing is, I always considered myself a free spirit. Yet through life's circumstances, I was not free. My spirit was not free. I was in bondage, a bondage that I had created myself, although life's circumstances were the handcuffs that kept me there.
There's no right or wrong way to take off your mask or find your freedom. What I found through this journey is that there is no exact way. You just have to find what's right for you. You have to make peace with what's within. And when you make peace with what's within you, then, my friend, freedom becomes possible.
I'm not saying that you won't put your mask on every now and again, but the mask wearing shouldn't be so intrusive on your life. Put it on your nightstand like I do. That allows you to make a decision when and where you wear it.
Remember, you are perfectly imperfect… just like me. And that is okay.